![]() Yes, attaching our feelings to the outcome of a future event is a path lined with unhappiness. If I can only meet my soul mate, then I’ll feel complete.Īs a possibility, for many people it is a need for predictability and certainty coming from a fear based need to feel safe and to belong that leads to such preoccupations about the future. ![]() If I win the tournament, then I’ll feel worthy. If I get the job, then I can relax and enjoy life. This can lead to a ‘If, then’ thinking bias, as in “If X happens, then Y happens. “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”īy making plans and focusing on the future to 'solve our problems' we compromise our capacity to enjoy life today. Some instantly reply no, whilst others pause for a moment, as if this is actually an attractive proposition, but then the realisation kicks in that to be able to predict the future takes all the mystery out of life, just as Kierkegaard wrote: I sometimes ask my clients who find themselves preoccupied with the future whether they would choose the gift of being able to predict what is going to happen in their life. ![]() But as most people know (at least intellectually), that is not how life works as I wrote about in my recent article on mastery when we do achieve a goal or outcome the feeling of satisfaction is fleeting at best and usually not what we had expected. This comes up regularly in my work as the ‘I’ll be happy when’ trap, where we defer or export our happiness out into the future until we have achieved something that has specific meaning and significance to us. It’s always struck me as a potent reminder that we can create all sorts of goals and ambitions for the future, but when we have a strong orientation to the future we can forget to live fully in the meantime. ![]() ![]() “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making plans.” This week I was running my quarterly Space for Being online reflection group and I shared a quote from the song Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) by John Lennon: ![]()
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